Eavesdropping
by PenonPaperFingersonKeys
Summary: L/J: James hears an interesting conversation which leads to unforeseen consequences...


**Eavesdropping  
by PenonPaperFingersonKeys**

**. **

I am not looking at her; I'm not listening to their conversations; I'm not turning around slightly to hear what Alice is saying to Evans at that right moment...

"...you're the one who's having dirty fantasies about him!" Alice shrieks and I hear somebody tell her to shut up. Alice shrugs them away and turns back to Evans, eyes eager. Peering at the pair out of the corner of my eye I see Evans turn bright red. Why's she turning bright red? Retracing what Alice said I abruptly let out a strangled yelp.

The common room falls silent and fifty pairs of eyes turn to look at me in shock. I grin and run my hand through my hair, muttering quickly: "Sorry." Slowly they turn back to what they were doing before and I finally here Alice start speaking again. Listening intently I wonder if she'll let drop the name of the bloke I'll have to kill. Growling I crane subtly to listen into their conversation.

"I still can't believe you like –"

"What are you doing, Prongs?" Snapping around I whack Sirius around the head quickly ignoring his befuddled expression.

"Shut up, you bloody prat!" Again the common room falls silent. Don't they have _anything _else to do but look around when somebody yells out? It's poor manners too. I forgive Sirius slightly when he flips them off. "Thanks," I comment, before saying, "I'm listening to Evans and Alice. Apparently Evans has been having dirty fantasies about somebody." Sirius chuckles and I decide to ignore it. "Want to help listen in?"

"Sure."

"Want to help kill the bloke?"

"Sure."

"Want to help clean up the body? It'll be gory."

"Uh...pass."

"We could drown him then."

"Easier."

"But killing people with knives are so much fun!"

Sirius grins and his eyes glaze over as if he is remembering something. "Yeah..." Slightly concerned I nudge him in the ribs and listen to Alice and Evans again. It appears as if they'd already said the name. I'm disappointed to say the least.

"Shut up, Alice," Evans hisses in her perfect, _perfect_ voice. I think I could listen to that voice for hours...

"What? It's not like everybody who sees you looking at him doesn't know that you are absolutely in love with him." Sirius takes a sharp breath in and looks at me quickly, his hand clapping my back sympathetically. How can she..._love_ somebody? It's not fair, really, that she has no reason at all to think: hey, what about that poor old pathetic loser…what's his name? Jimmy.

Sighing, I try to brush it off.

"...I mean it's –" Evans' hand clasps around Alice's mouth and she looks frantically around, finally coming to rest on us. Whoops. Sirius and I glance at each other before doing the only thing that comes to mind:

"I HATE YOU PRONGS!"

"Huh? Oh, _right_…I HATE YOU MORE."

"Yeah? I – What the fuck, Prongs? I didn't say to hit me, you retard!"

"Oh shit! Sorry Sirius. I didn't…wasn't that part of the plan?"

Sirius moaned and held his cheek where I had punched him just before. "God, you idiot Prongs. Why the hell did you punch me? We were just supposed to yell. To distract her."

We both look to where Alice and Evans and now staring at us pointedly. Grinning I wave sheepishly and wink at them both. Alice rolls her eyes (and I'm pretty sure Longbottom shoots me a dirty look) but Evans turns a faint pink.

Probably thinking about that bastard that she fancies and how she wants to snog him senseless.

"Stop eavesdropping!" Alice calls out, cupping her hands around her mouth.

Sirius shrugs. "Alright." He says contently, at the same time I make an affronted face and say, "We weren't eavesdropping!"

We share a look at our controversial answers.

"Prat."

"Idiot."

"Who the hell says _alright_? It's practically admitting we were eavesdropping."

"Mum raised me better then to lie, Prongs."

I shoot him a freaked out look and he rolls his eyes. "Mummy Potter."

"Oh, right." I frown slightly. "Wait a moment, you only met Mum in first year."

Sirius shrugs. "I was emotionally unavailable until I met your fantastic and brilliant mother."

I nod. Mum is pretty awesome. "I know."

We stay silent for a moment, grinning inanely at each other, before remembering the two girls watching us about ten metres away.

I spin with a flourish and beam at both of them hoping that my outstanding looks can distract them from our confession to eavesdropping. Evans and Alice sigh wearily and return to their conversation, more hushed now.

I deflate. Now I've got no chance of finding out who Evans fancies!

Sirius's face lights up and he pulls out his wand.

"Don't hex them, you prat," I snap at him, glaring at the two secretive girls who occasionally shoot us furtive and irritated looks.

Sirius looks at me as if I'm the one who's insane.

Which is absolute bollocks because _I _wasn't the one who gave Remus a stick of butter for his birthday.

I got him a perfectly normal present – a flea collar.

Boy, did we have a good laugh out of that.

"No, you idiot," Sirius says, rolling his eyes, "I learnt this nifty spell when I thought Remus had a secret girlfriend."

He didn't have a secret girlfriend. He was going to _D.A.D.A Club, _the bloody swot.

"Oh really," I say, raising a sceptical eyebrow at my best mate. "Show me then."

Sirius squints back at me. "There is no spell. I just wanted to see if you believed me."

Thanks, Sirius. Totally the time to test our brilliant friendship.

A loud thump echoes behind us and Sirius screeches, covering his face with his hands. I eye him oddly for a moment before grinning at Remus and Peter who smirk smugly down at us. Remus picks up the book that he dropped down on the table and leans against the table raising an eyebrow.

"I take it you're stalking Lily, aren't you James?"

I pout back at Remus and say defiantly, "No," just as Sirius answers chirpily, "Yes."

We stare at each other for a moment before I say dully, "We really need to work out our answers."

Sirius nods and stares at the heavy book lying on the coffee table with interest. "What's that Remus."

Remus rolls his eyes and slides into the seat near us, Peter quickly following suit. "It's got all those spells for our next pranks," Peter explains, flipping it open to a page that has been bookmarked by Remus.

Sirius looks delighted at the prospect of pranking. I can't help but glance over towards Alice and Evans uneasily.

"Uh, should I be pranking? Seeing I'm Head Boy and-"

Remus cuts me off sharply. "And you're obsessed with Evans? Come on Prongs look at this spell, it's _gold_."

I glance down and scan over the words. "Mhmm," I say distractedly, running a hand through my hair. "Now shut up so we can spy on Evans."

"DON'T SPY ON ME POTTER!"

I turn to Remus, Peter and Sirius and frown in confusion. "How can she hear that if I can't hear her?"

They all shrug back.

Idiots.

Remus rolls his eyes at me. Again. One day they're just going to keep rolling and he'll lose all his friends because everybody would call him the freaky eye roller. "Why are you spying on her?"

Sirius slaps me on the back (ouch) and announces cheerfully, "Because she's having dirty fantasies about somebody and wants to shag them senseless after hours in the library."

I raise an eyebrow. "She never said anything about shagging him senseless in the library."

Peter leans back into the couch and looks shiftily at Evans. "It might not be a guy."

We all look curiously over to Alice and Evans before I dismiss it with a wave of my hand. "She said he."

Peter looks relieved but also suspiciously disappointed. "Oh, okay."

I shrug the conversation off. "Anyway, Evans never said anything about shagging someone senseless in a library." I point an accusing finger at Sirius who smirks back at me.

"It was implied."

Bloody git.

"No it wasn't," I state defiantly, trying to get rid of the disturbing mental pictures of Lily going at it with a Greek God type guy on a rickety library table...I shudder in disgust.

"Yes it was," Sirius says, looking rather sly. "Just imagine...after hours, in a dark corner, clothes flying everywhere-"

Peter thankfully clamps a hand over Sirius' mouth and looks at me worriedly. "He looks like he's going to faint," he tells Remus frantically who whips out one of his emergency bars of chocolates and passes it to me.

I munch on the delicious chocolate and refuse to give Sirius a bite when he asks. He looks put out.

Good.

"Why don't you just ask her who she fancies Prongs?" Remus suggests, snatching his precious chocolate back and snapping a bit off for himself. "It would get all of this spying nonsense out of the way."

I shoot Remus a derisive look and snort. "Lily Evans – _the _Lily Evans- willingly telling me who she fancies?"

Remus shrugs slightly. "It can't hurt."

I stare thoughtfully at the two girls across the common room for a long moment before standing suddenly and grabbing Sirius roughly by the collar. He yelps like a dog and jumps to his feet.

"What the _hell_, Prongs?"

I ignore him and tug at his collar again making him follow me over to where Alice and Evans have stopped in their conversation to stare curiously at us.

Sirius glares at the two of them. "See that? That was Potter's 'brave' walk. That means he's going to now do something incredibly stupid." He scowls at me. "You were warned."

I now sincerely regret bringing Padfoot along. Why did I do it in the first place? Remus would be better for moral support...I think I'm masochistic or something because this is just setting me up for humiliation.

"Hey Alice, hey Evans," I say curtly promptly ignoring their half-hearted greetings. Evans' is going a bright red – probably because she doesn't want the _love of her life _to see her fraternizing with me.

Bitch.

Actually, I take that back. Lily's definitely not a bitch.

Sirius kicks the back of my leg and I stare at him for a moment before remembering why I'm standing in front on Alice and Evans with my arms crossed against my chest.

"Oh right," I say, grinning at Sirius. Translation: Thanks for not letting me stare off into space and make a fool of myself.

Sirius smirks slyly. Translation: Oh, I just didn't want to delay the whole humiliation thing.

I gulp.

Alice and Evans are starting to look slightly irritated. "Potter did you come over here for a reason other than staring at Black?"

I glare back at her. "Yes, Evans. Yes I _did_." I eye her suspiciously. "Who is the bloke you're having dirty fantasies about?" I pause and let the whole seriousness of the situation sink in.

It doesn't appear to be working; Alice is struggling not to laugh and Sirius casually juts in, "The bloke you're implying that you want to shag senseless on an old library table."

I glare at him and he winks back at me.

Lily's going oddly red.

"You see, Potter, the guy that Lily likes," Alice says evilly, grinning naughtily at Evans, "is –"

Evans quickly kicks the back of Alice's leg, making the blonde haired girl yelp in pain. I look at Evans suspiciously and quirk and eyebrow.

"You know what!" I yell, drawing the majority of the attention of the common room. I can almost hear Remus and Peter snickering. "I don't care anymore."

That's a lie.

Evans looks surprised and remarkably upset. "No! James listen-"

"Evans, this is _my _dramatic speech." Alice giggles into her fist and Sirius scoffs at me. "Anyway, where was I," I say to myself, running a hand through my hair. "Oh, right. Anyway, I don't care anymore because I'm sick of being rejected-"

Evans looks at Alice helplessly in a 'Save me' look and Alice shakes her head unsympathetically.

"- and taunted because you know, I loved you and maybe I did go a bit overboard and turned into a bit of stalker, but it was all in the name of love! And you just completely-"

And then I got a bit caught up in something else.

Evans' lips.

Dear Merlin that girl can kiss.

For a moment I remained shocked still before responding with vivacious enthusiasm. I topple over onto the couch behind us and attempt to pull her onto my lap, all while keeping our lips connected and possibly scarring all the first years in the room.

As my hands slide up her legs and her fingers start scraping through my hair and she groans into my mouth I begin to think reasonably.

...Or as reasonably as I can.

Pulling off Evans with a sound oddly like a pop I disentangle our limbs and extract myself from the couch.

There's a deathly silence in the common room, one I'm sure has never been experience within these four walls before.

"Uh..." I manage lamely before running a hand over my face. Maybe if I blink hard enough this will all turn out to be a – very good- dream.

When I blink furiously and nothing happens I pinch myself in the arm harshly.

Same results.

Coming to the shocking conclusion that this isn't a dream I stare at Evans with a dumbfounded expression on my face.

"Ev-Lily?"

Lily's face is pale white and she is still sitting in the chair where we had our brief but fantastic snog session. Suddenly she lets out a rather strangled noise from her throat and places her head in her hands, refusing to look at me.

I stare at her for a bit longer.

"What about that bloke you fancy?"

Behind me Alice laughs – slightly hysterically- and Sirius groans. "I don't know him," he states and the Common Room breaks into rather weak laughter.

I spin around and stare at Padfoot, placing a hand over my heart with mock hurt. "What about all those times we shared?"

Sirius looks at me, as if wondering how extensive my stupidity can get. "Prongs..."

"Yes?"

"Evans just snogged you. You're getting entirely too distracted."

I nod and spin around again to stare at Lily who has lifted her head up to stare at me.

She looks at me, her cheeks burning with embarrassment, and manages to say bluntly. "I can't pretend this never happened can I?"

My wits slowly gathering after 'The Snog', I manage to grin cheekily back and walk towards her slowly.

"No, no you may not."

Lily's left eye twitches. "You sure."

Ignoring the eyes that are following my every move I stop in front of Lily and look down at her cheerfully. "Not unless," I say, leaning down so that our faces are level, "You want to miss out on this..."

And with that I pull Lily's face towards mine and kiss her vaguely registering a first year fainting in the corner and a fifth year I think I dated once crying and screaming something about 'betrayal.'

As Lily's arms wrap around my neck I can't help but thinking: and _that's_ why I'm the King of this school.

* * *

**A/N: A huge shout out to Lily Rhiannon and witchwithwings! I totally wouldn't ever have the guts to put this on without your betaing and nice words :) You're both awesome!  
**  
To Lily: I'm still scarred by your photos, just putting it out there. You totally violated Harry Potter by (poorly) photoshopping your face into the pictures next to Harry...And you're still a PRUDE

To Jade: I'll be sure to tell everybody on rlt if you die. And I don't mind listening to you talk about your own life! It's better than mine, far more interesting...Thank you so much!


End file.
